Thursday

Well the good news is the swelling in my chest is going down but I can really see this port thing, YUCK...Hannah thinks it cool. great. the stitches came out of my neck and that kind of freaked me out a little, but then that's just me these days....oh yeah and just because, my armpit is also almost completely healed and almost all swelling is gone..yippee I can shave (for inquiring minds I now have to resort back to an electric shaver OUCH!!!) Can't use a razor because what if I nicked myself and that would be really bad...I also have to wear gloves when I garden, (for the rest of my life) How in the world am I going to prune roses with gloves?? any suggestions??
Well actually it's kind of a poopy day, not for any specific reason, just is, so I'm cutting it short.

Monday. . .

Today is Monday, YAY!! I am going to have my "port" checked out . I think that sounds kind of funny..like I am a ship yard or something...But when I called and spoke with the nurse, I asked her if it was normal for some itching and that my neck bothered me. (I have a catheter in my vein, gross) she said it's normal, it's forming scar tissue..lovely! Maybe I can get all of this tape off of me at least today.
This afternoon I get to have my blood drawn. We have to check my blood counts every week while on Chemo, to check my white cells. If I am at a low white count, I am at a greater risk of infection...so no little kids or people with swine flu, bird flu, sars, or anything else like a cold, or an imagined illness. . . Last thing I want is back in the hospital, NO WAY!! so hoping for good white cell count. I ate some steak last night (like that's gonna help...I probably need to eat liver or something gross like that and that is not going to happen, so no LIVER meals, liver pate, chopped liver or anything that resembles it please!)
Ok, well got to get back to work, getting a lot of "no one is in today", what the heck, yesterday was the holiday...
Oh yeah, I may go look for a wig, I am still waiting for my hair to fall out, (I'm not wishing for it to happen, when if it does I am sure it will freak me out), but I am still thinking I want Laurie Camou hair, or something like that :)

Ever have

one of those night where you wake up and can't get back to sleep? I woke up at 2:15 could not get back to sleep, heard the alarm go off at 4:30 (for Eric)....heard the dogs bark downstairs and then woke up at 7:00. I hate when that happens.
While I was up Of course, everything was running through my mind, everything hurt, I couldn't get comfortable and most of all I hate this thing in my neck and my chest and I want it out.
Ok enough complaining!
I am thinking today will be a good day, Lakers were amazing last night.

Saturday

It's Saturday am, and lets see no pukey med yet, so perhaps I am done with that until the next round. The nurse told me my hair would fall out in two weeks, and that I would notice a kind of sensation on my scalp, well I been feeling this strange feeling like my hair hurts, but it's not falling out yet. We will see.
And now the summer of water polo begins....next weekend is Jo quals and Hannah may be going on a travel trip to Northern Ca. to train with Diablo, Cal and SF woman's team. She is just so happy to be back with her team again. . . I just hope I can make the games.
I think I prefer the martini to chicken stories too Ann :)....and as soon as I can have one, Eric has a great recipe for us try. Or you can have one and I'll just watch and be jealous!
I am still thinking about a wig, so maybe I'll go check one out today, having curly hair I have never been able to shake my head from side to side and feel my hair, maybe I'll get something like that only bright red! who knows???
Ok well that's it for now... thanks to you out there reading this

so...

A little pukey today and yesterday...I am taking these pills every three hours.
Interesting....
We went to the Wellness Community tonight to see this speaker that is a cancer survivor, he happens to be a Rabbi, and he was quite amazing.
What I left there with was this: to have a gratitude list, so that when I feel really down, I can look at the things that I am most grateful for. I think this really can apply to anyone really, and the other thing is that I have a limited number of tomorrows, so it is really important to make all of the good moments count. And to be positive, what works for me is a sense of humor, and usually I have a better one, so I think I need to work on it a little more right now.
Kind of like how I love to listen to the way people talk and then I imitate their voices, not to be disrespectful, but just something that I find funny to myself when I can do it.
Like the poor nurse in the hospital, they give you a number to call them at, and I called her and asked her if she was ready for her many/pedi appt. then started laughing, that was when she said it was time for me to go home, but really wasn't quite sure it was me because of the accent.
funny stuff!

chemo

Yesterday was the 1st round, and to be honest it was really scary. the 1st thing they gave me was zofran which is anti nausea med, and it made feel strange, kind of light headed, but then again I can't really explain it. Then I got the 2 chemo drugs, adriamycin and cytoxan. I think I need to go to pharmacy school to figure all of this out. The nurse told about some of the side effects, nothing I can't handle, and although I know my hair will fall out, to hear her say your hair will fall out in 2 weeks was rather shocking... I have bought some hat/head cover things, but now I think maybe I will get a wig just in case, I don't know I really want to be a read head, so I'll have to see. :)
I went to my 1st group session of cancer patients at the wellness community yesterday, I think this will be a good thing. Time will tell, with all of this.
So how I am feeling right now? kind of tired, kind of strange, almost like I am waiting for the the other shoe to drop but I guess that's to be expected as well.
I just have to remember to keep taking these anti nausea pills every three hours...Yeah I'm a pill popper now.
I tried to take a picture yesterday with my phone while I was plugged in, the nurses were laughing at me, I couldn't get a good one, I'll have to see if Eric did and then I'll post it, it will be my "beam me up Scotty" picture as i have a "Power Port" that's what is stuck in my chest, ..the nurse kept telling me I have the power...also very strange...
well, that's it for now..

the port..

Today is the day, oh boy...and I have decided I just need to get this over with and get going, so lets see...it's 8:10 and I have to be there at 8:30....hmmmm will we make it on time...like I don't have any stress, Eric says, I'll be down in 10 minutes, I'm thinking I don't think so, we need to go now.... some things don't change after all. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be??
I'll see how I feel later and see if I can talk about this lovely experience. . . . . .
Well it's in, and they gave me a lot of drugs and I could still feel it. My neck feels really strained, like when you've been yelling.
But it's all good, now I am power woman with my "power port"...As the nurse was singing to me...funny stuff.
On to the next phase tomorrow. I am going to a cancer support group, I'll see how it goes, then my 1st round of chemo.
I have no idea about that, at all.

OK, so today is Saturday, and I've got 2 more days to go.
I spoke with Jill last night, she has ovarian cancer, amazing how the people we meet in our lives (that we may not always be in touch with), at later dates we seem to find our way back to them. It was good talking with her for a number of reasons, but she really eased my mind about this "port" because honestly, it was kind of freaking me out... which these days is not too hard to do to myself.
Today has not been a really great mood day for me, I have just felt like crying most of the day.
I guess I just need to be OK with these kinds of days. Tomorrow will be a better one

So it begins. . . . . .

Well, I've had the lumpectomy, and we found cancer in one of my lymph nodes.
I will have a port put in on Monday 5-18, and start chemo on 5-19...I really have no idea what to expect. I am scared about all of this, some moments are good, some are not, but I will go forward and take it as it comes, because the alternative is not possible.
I feel blessed that I have an amazing husband and daughter and some wonderful friends.
Monday they will start cooking for us, and being the kind of person I am, (I'm the do-er), this is going to be an interesting experience letting others do for me.
All part of the Journey, and so it begins....