Well. . . .

I did the bone scan yesterday, and I am waiting to hear back from the Dr.
After talking with him yesterday, he now wants a MRI on my head to rule other things out.
The other things I don't really want to think about, let alone talk about.
Quite honestly, if I have to go through the TAXOL ever again, I don't know what I would do.
The A/C was bad enough, managing all of the nausea, but the TAXOL.
I just shudder at the thought of it.
I just want to know what the heck is going on with my body.
The pain and the numbness is really driving me CRAZY.
I don't talk about it too much to Eric and Hannah because whats the point of complaining?
I'm just trying to deal with it. But sometimes, like after I've been sitting for a little bit, I have a hard time getting up. They just look at me.
Like yesterday afternoon, trying to take pictures. . . .
It was hard to stand sometimes, and then I tried to get on a bench to shoot pictures, I could hardly get up on the bench.
I didn't say anything to the girls because I don't want them to know, but seriously this has got to get better!
My guess, the Dr will tell me everything on Monday when I see him.
Oh boy!

Yucky. . . .

test tomorrow.
But, maybe Dr. will figure out why I am hurting all the time.
Eric read something about steroid withdrawals, and it almost describes me to a "T".
So, will ask Dr. tomorrow when I see him in between my morning running around.
Listen to this....
Go for radiation at 6:30, then drive over to a different radiology place, and get an injection at 7:30.
Then, at 8am, go back to radiation place, and see the Dr.
Then go back to radiology place at 10:30 for ct scan.
Sound like a fun morning?
Hell no.
I'm sick of it all quite frankly.

Been. . . .

a little while since I've written anything.
Going for a bone scan on Monday, maybe we will figure out what the heck is going on with my right shoulder and right arm/hand.
Still alot of pain, and just plain hurts all the time.
Another thing I noticed is that I hobble around after I've been sitting for a period of time.
Reg. Dr says that's due to the fact that I had been on steroids for so long and that I need to try to stretch a few times a day and try to loosen everything up.
Next week I start my 4th week of radiation.
The only thing right now that I am noticing is being extremely tired in the afternoon.
I have a slight mark I am noticing on my chest, so I hope all this cream "stuff" I am putting on will keep anything really nasty at bay!
That would be nice for a change.

There. . . .

is something I'd really like to get off my chest but I can't.
I made a promise. . . sometimes I really hate promises!
I've been thinking about this for a couple of days now so let me just say this, people should really keep their opinions to themselves when they are in a group setting.
If you ask someone how they feel about something, and they "ask" you for your "opinion" then by all means.
Otherwise, shut the hell up.
I am sick of judgemental people, and their holier than thou remarks. Honestly!
We are all in titled to our feelings about how we choose to deal or not deal with things.
I personally, would let someone speak to that, and then if my opinion was asked I'd say it, if it wasn't then I wouldn't and most certainly would not pass judgement on that person, or try to diminish them or what they have said, especially in a group setting.
I guess it must make them feel better or bigger to do this, because it's not the first time.
But, it most certainly will be the last, at least for me.
I am very BLACK and WHITE and you either "stand for something or you stand for nothing"!

Insurance. . . .

companies suck!
They don't want to pay for my Pet Ct Scan until I have a CT Scan.
So lets run an extra test. Makes sense to me!
I am sick of it to be completely honest.
All I know is my shoulder and right arm is hurting about 90% of the time and I need to find out why before I start popping vicodin everyday for the pain.
On another note, my vertigo is gone.
YAY!
I almost hate to say it in fear it will return.
I hope not!

Isn't. . . . .

life fun?
So Friday I get this letter from the place that did my mamo, different from my Onc. Radiologist (where I get my daily Radiation). . .and this letter tells me they have found something on my mamo.
This is after they tell me everything is clear, after my surgeon tells me everything is clear, but the letter says they have found something and that I need to come in May 10th 2010.
Yeah, that's what it said. So of course that puts me in a tail spin.
Long story short after talking to my Rad. Onc Dr this am, basically, not to worry, it's a standard letter that is, in his opinion, not worded correctly, and that I am on 6 month mamo check ups for 2 years...etc, etc.
Here's where it gets better though, I have been having so much pain on my right side, shoulder, arm, hand. Dr is concerned with that, (pain related to cancer?) so long story short, I'm going to have a Pet CT Scan now on Wed. to make sure that it is not cancer related.
So the fun never ends!
I get to go get lit up at 6:30 am, and then the big scan at 7:30 am.
Woo Hoo, having some fun now.
I am going to try to not think about this as much as I can, so i don't start freaking myself out all over again.
Eric wants me to stop crying, so I have to get my mind off of this.
I was hoping to get our tree tonight...hmmmm...we'll see because it's raining.

So. . . .

tired from radiation.
Right now that's all I can say about it.
I did not go this am because I have some kind of inner ear infection and there is no way I can drive.
Woke up with my ear hurting yesterday, and I went to the Dr, she gave me some antibiotics and nose spray, but today I woke up with this dizzy thing.
You move your head one way and then everything seems to follow in slow motion. It's horrible.
I'd really like a break, especially since my right shoulder, arm and hand are still hurting.
This has been going on for weeks, and I can see how people can hooked on pain pills managing pain.
I haven't taken any for this but I am really tempted, because this just won't go away and is really uncomfortable.
It's been a long week!