Yeah. . . .

it's great news.
Brain MRI back and no thing growing where it shouldn't be. Mid line shift gone (my brain shifted 9 cm) , and back to normal, swelling gone down a bit and the cavity is shrinking.
So Dr. A gone until Wed., I can wait to talk to him about when I will have Gamma Knife. I'm thinking next week or week after the latest, but at least I will have it and nothing has grown back!
Now I just have to deal with this friggin sinus infection. . . where did this come from? I've couching green all weekend, and I can feel it going down the back of my throat. YUCK
I can totally handle this though, this is nothing compared to what I've been though, lets say it's a slippery walk in the park.
Tomorrow I should start to feel better. . . . and by Wed. even better . . . . YIPEEE
Hannah left for her 4 day grad cruise, I know she will have a great time ! ! ! !
If anyone wants to know about Gamma Knife, here's the link:
http://www.gammaknife.org/

So. . . .

ok..my head is kind of weird now, and not exactly flat (if you will) on the side where he took my skull out, and then put back. .
Not smooth,
And I'm not talking about the healing area so much. .where the zipper was. . .
But below the "zipper line" is a little inset.
Do I grow that part of my hair longer , like when you are trying to even out a cake but add extra frosting to make it level?
Speaking of level, why don't they put one on your head and make sure it is?
They have those really cool ones with little laser beams.
Maybe I should get one for dr.Chan although I'm not sure if he will think it's funny, and might just give that I'm a neuro surgeon stare and not not speak.
Hmmmm

Talk. . . .

about weird!
I go for my MRI yesterday, and the Dr. says it's so great to see you see you, last time I saw you was when you were on a gurney and you weren't feeling too good. I told her, I don't even remember you! (we've met before?)
Wow. . .MRI went good and it was really fast...no movies but hey, it was over in a snap and she got my contrast in without a problem and look ma, no bruise!
Maybe I'll get the results today? wishful thinking, it is a Sat. but hey. . .maybe Dr. Ahn will find out . . .
Stupid stuff: I am just wondering why I had talked to someone before this all happened and now it's like I've got the plague. It's really strange and I don't get it. I see them on FB and I've just kinda been waiting and . . .nothing. It's not like we were great friends, but maybe what seemed friendly was really based on something else and I misunderstood. I'm guessing that's it, and it's fine, but I noticed it and Eric did. . .oh well totally fine. . .I'm over it.
It's Saturday and I'm here!

Ummm. . .

A bit of a whirlwind these last couple of days.
Scans all clear..Thank God. I felt in my heart of hearts they would be. It's the brain thing that really has me freaked out because it grew so fast...(6 cm in 5 months)
Kind of all I can think about right now.
I am having a brain MRI tomorrow at 6pm to see whats going on.
How much the cavity has shrunk, and if there is anything else that we didn't see before because of the swelling, and if anything grew back.
Dr. Chan wants wait about 1 month before gamma for swelling and cavity to get smaller. Dr Miller and Kaul want it now because it's aggressive.
If the cavity is too big, then I'll have to do this twice, and then that can cause a little more swelling, which Dr. Chan does not want me to have to go through.
The best case scenario? the cavity has gotten smaller, and there is no tumor starting to grow.
Then Dr. Ahn, can wait a couple more weeks, and then we will only have to do this once. (at this this time)
that is what I want and that is what I have to think positive about. Nothing growing in there, and the cavity is getting smaller. they can estimate how long this will take to get to about 2cm, which is the best size.
Ok, I'm down with that.
I'm trying so hard to think positive, and not worry, but to be honest. . .it's a little hard. I am trying to muster up all the positive energy and thoughts that I can and go with that.
this is what i want and this is whats going to happen, and I am going to get this shit out of my head once and for all.
My ear is getting better, and doesn't feel too much like it's full of fluid, and today my eye is a tiny bit better, but I just have to let that worry about my go, as this is going to take time.
Hannah's Graduating in a couple of hours, I can't believe it's here.
Amazing!

well. . . .

it's Tuesday.
Didn't sleep too good last night. tonight I will take an ambien so I can sleep, I feel a little out of it today.
Yesterday I had my full body scan, and Cris is amazing, he got that injection in without any pain what so ever. I told him If I need any more IV's I want him doing it! Wonder if he travels to the gamma knife???
Will get the results tomorrow from Dr. Kaul, I am really feeling quite positive about that. I really haven't had any fear there.
Dr. Miller got the MRI spine scan today, so I am hoping soon for those results, for some reason I'm a little fearful there, but I think that really has to do with the fact that I had this whole brain thing, and neck thing, and well your spine is connected to that. isn't it?? in my heart of hearts, I feel it will be clear as well. I just want to get this appt set.
then I see Dr. Ahn on Thursday so we can discuss the gamma knife. he left a message saying that we will prob wait about a month for the cavity to shrink. I will go with whatever they all decide, not like I can really say what I want, because honestly, i have no idea hear. hey that's why they get paid the big bucks. Literally!
My hope regarding myself for the week, all test back, and a plan to go forward with. Waiting is really hard, but I guess part of the lesson here.
Hannah's Sr. awards tomorrow night, I am so excited for her, and then Graduation on Thursday. I can't believe it's here, and I am so glad I was a jr/sr parent cuz those get into grad early tickets will be so nice!!

So. . . .

yesterday. Hmmmmm where do I start?

Lets start with MRI. All was fine I was actually just fine lying there with the fan blowing, even though the noise is a little much, it really didn't bother me until the last one, that was was a little intense, if I had hair, it would have been blowing just from the force of the noise itself. Seriously.
Then came the contrast part. Needless to say i couldn't finish the test. Can't use my right arm, and my left arm is shot, thanks to low fluids, swollen arm, bad bruises and so much pain. Poor Katie she tried in my arm, twice in my hand and it was o painful I couldn't take it. Mu calm mood turned to complete upset and I just wanted to go home and go to bed.
I am hoping we don;t have to do this again, or if we do at least give my arm some time to heal because I can't do this again, and I am hoping the injection tomorrow will not be a problem.
Ah tomorrow, the Scan. The Scan that will show that I am cancer free and I am good with that for now.
It's hard to talk about about I feel physically, because it changes so much. what I hate the most? not being able to just drink what I want, and it's so friggin hot I just don;t want to think about it today. I may have Eric all Dr. chan and find out if we can make an exception today. I got so overheated yesterday, and it's kind of like all I can think about.
Strange, I have brain surgery and all I can think about is how much I can have to drink.
Ok that's just me being me, so nothing new there. Guess that's a good thing.
Hannah's party? wonderful, I am so happy we did this for her. We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends, and I am so overwhelmed by this.
Hannah's friends are something, and I am so happy to see the people that love her and care. does that sound funny?
And the Food? ummm YUM, Taco cart...great idea. The Cakes...big yumm, there is a little in the fridge and I am going to have like the smallest pc...no sugar today...wait, right, OK I will have it tomorrow. . . worth the wait.
So get back to cleaning up, and then some thank you notes...at least from me. Hannah's got to get those done before her trip.
After all, it was fun doing those envelopes, so she better use the darn things.

A. . . .

little confusing now, gamma no gamma. Sheesh!
So no more pretty staples, Dr. Chan took them out, and I'm glad they are gone.
Still have to limit my fluids to 1 1/2 qts max a day to help keep swelling down.
I called Dr. Hymas this morning to thank him, and I tried not to loose it, but seriously, how do you thank the person that really saved your life??
I mean he4 really did, he saved my life.
How do I go forward and find the way to do something to repay him for this? I don't mean in a monetary way, but how do I put this back into the universe?
I will have the chance I need to find the way and what it is, It will come to me.
No scarf at home, I take things so literally. Keep something on your head, uh ok, 24-7. . .well no, out in public if it bothers me. At home no, it will be nice to not sleep without something on my head, that probably sounds strange, but I guess I'm a little sensitive in general about my head, how it feels, doesn't feel. . .
Sudafed tomorrow, . . . .I'm moving through the "s's" sleeping pill last night, sudafed tomorrow so maybe some of this ear fullness, popping kind of feeling will move on...little things that make me happy.
Hey 2 MRI's instead of 3 tomorrow, then Hannah's party. I hope she has a great time and I hope everyone likes the taco cart. I'm excited.