YUCK. . . .

Pretty much sums up how I feel when I wake up.
Still this morning sickness type of feeling and I'm just not sure why. So doing what I can to get rid of the nausea.
Sleep wise, about the same, still waking up and not sleeping through the night.
I think something is growing back in there and I need to change my MRI, like move it to Oct, but gotta check w/Dr first.
He told me my symptoms show up before the tumor does, but something doesn't feel right
Just a feeling that I hope is wrong, I'm getting pretty tired of all of this.
Other than that, like that isn't enough, at least I'm not feeling all "roided" out and that seems to have calmed down, but need to find out if I need to cut in half again, go to 1mg.....
What I'm looking forward to? Seeing my Han on Sat., I can't wait

EACH. . . .

Morning I have been waking up and feel like I am going to be sick to my stomach, it's just like having morning sickness only it lasts longer to go away...UGH!
every so often a slight headache, but I'm thinking about calling my Doc and see if he wants me to break the half of steroid in half.
everything seems to be about the steroid with me still.
My face is so bloated and swollen still.
I am really self conscious and sick of people looking at me, so with the pink spotted hair I figure they will look at that instead, then that gives me the change to tell someone to get a mammogram. . . .like they would listen to me!
But honestly, I love my spotted hair, kind of fun and just for October.
Watch, I'll get called for a volunteer interview, haha
Other than that, I'm excited to have some team stuff to put together for game/food sign ups.
Gives me some purpose and something to do that I like...
With any luck Eric and I will drive down and see Han this Sat., which will be really nice and since I'm not so bitchy should be good all the way around!
Now gotta see if I'm making cookies or granola or? maybe nothing. . . . .

WHAT. . . .

A crappy day.
Woke up and was just not feeling good this morning.
Went to Dermo and thankfully nothing serious, so he froze the little suckers, called them Flat Warts. EW
Other than that, I just have nothing to say except I'm just getting sick of bad days and I'm really trying to have good days. . . .Doesn't seem to be part of the plan right now.
UGH!

MAYBE. . . .

If I blog this, I can somehow understand why I feel like this.
It's like when I put it down and send it off, I've somehow released it, can put it in perspective and try to move on.
I don't know, maybe I'm just full of shit!
The greatest day in my life? The day I had Hannah. I knew she'd be amazing.
The saddest day in my life? When I realized that there is nothing I can I teach her.
Well maybe I could teach her, but there is no receptor,
kind of like my triple negative, no receptor's....interesting,
just thought of that one, guess the brain function is returning here, I know the low dose steroids have made a big difference so far.
Back to it. . . .
I had no relationship with my mother and we barely spoke.
I wanted everything so different but maybe that's part of the problem, it's what I want, what I had wished and longed for in a mother.
Hmmmm. . . .
So really, it's not fair of me to put that expectation on her. Just thought of that too.
I have friends that have incredible relationships with there daughters, and to be honest, I am really envious of that, and wish I knew how to get to that place, if it's even possible to do that. I'm not a negative person, but I'm kinda thinking that'd be a no here.
So I'm thinking this is part of my journey too, and to be honest this all really sucks!
Maybe I'm in a mood, but I don;t think so.
Today has been pretty good, so. . . .

I . . . .

Just realized I did not post a pic of my recent addition.
I have a pair actually. (Eric has the same)

OK. . . .

Who knew bingo would be so much fun?
Now if the other half of my brain was working I may have done some damage. haha
However, I did win a free night of Bingo and I'm getting one of those Bingo machines. They are pretty annoying though, because the people that have them know ahead of time that they have won (or something like that)
It was just fun to go out, I was pretty tired, I can't remember the last time I went to bed so late. We are talking, at 7pm I'm already asleep.
But back to bingo, what a trip!
Right now I am so hungry I could eat the rug. Didn't have any dinner last night, wasn't hungry until I got home and I wasn't going to eat a meatball at 10:30 at night
so. . . . .Gotta go get breakfast.
Hoping for a good day!

WHY. . . .

Are UTI's so much fun?
I was up peeing all night, I'm talking 10 times.
Reeallyy!!!
Never ate dinner, so I woke up sick from meds,
I'm saying it... FUCK ME
The food thing?. Well this is ever changing.
I seem to be on the gotta eat breakfast as soon as I get up, and If I have lunch I most likely won't have dinner. Some days I won't have lunch or dinner.
Who the hell knows, I'm not hungry most of the time even with the pot.
Fun stuff.
On a different note, I'm going to try to get some volunteer work in at the hospital, and one of my friends told me last night that she helps feed and serve the homeless, I asked her if I could do this too.
I would LOVE to do this