Where. . . .

do I even start. . . . .
I guess with yesterday...Ahh yesterday I now call it Toxic Tuesday...because of all of the diarrhea I have been having for the last two weeks we decided to hydrate me after chemo, I think I could have used more than 500cc's because along with the diarrhea I am sweating profusely from all of the steroids. Hey, who wants to be me?
Something funny actually happened while at Chemo, this after I had a melt down in front of the Dr and told her I can't do this any more. Sleep deprivation, and diarrhea will kill be before the cancer does I swear!
My chemo crime partner and I decided we should go downstairs to the pharmacy and get a diet soda, so we grabbed our poles, bags hanging and all of that stuff and proceeded to walk to the door when Lana, our Russin spy nurse said , "where are you going?" we said downstairs, to the pharmacy...next thing, Dr Kaul was at the door, blocking it like we would make a break for it, and she wasn't looking too happy with us, and said you cannot leave the office with Chemo, what were we thinking and to go sit down and behave, she wasn't having any Thelma and Louise escapades in her office...was actually very funny. So, one of her nurses went downstairs and got our sodas for us which was really nice! the laugh did us good.
Back to the serious stuff, I have to put a call in my Gastro because I can't go through another week of this and I am afraid what tomorrow will bring. I am on 20mg of predisone now and will see what that does but I need to talk to him soon. Can hardly wait. If I could just keep this part under control I feel like I could handle not sleeping all of the pain from the taxol, but along with it, this is a long haul...7 more weeks!
I met my Onc Rad dr today. He is nothing short of amazing, spent 2 hours with Eric and I explained everything from the beginning, the very beginning all the way through to where I am now, and to where I am going. What his plan is and how the radiation will work. He will also be radiating the lymph nodes behind the clavicle, as my tumor size was 4.5 cm (like a tennis ball), and he has no way of knowing if anything went there, even though it did go to my lymph nodes under the arm. He explained that there is no way to know if the cancer went into my blood, so that was kind of strange to hear and not comforting but what can I do?
So I have a mammogram set up for Nov., and then will have some kind of mapping thing for radiation, then I go someplace else and they do some other kind of diagnostic think that like slices layer by layer of everything, that goes back to him, and then we start.
Make sense? Uh yeah, sure it does.
I will have 7 weeks of radiation, that will start about 3-4 weeks after chemo, so I can rest and recover from chemo, I will go 5 days a week and it will take about 15 min ea visit.
I will get some kind of cream to use 2x a day and unless I am having a bad reaction to burning 2 x a day should be enough, if not maybe 3 -4 x a day with the cream.
I am like the worlds worst lotion putter on person, so this will really be interesting, I have no choice I just hope it isn't some disgusting thick stinky stuff, or I will really have a problem!
I just kept hearing him say you have one of the most aggressive forms of breast cancer that is out there, and this is is only way we can treat this...he was going through all of these %'s and because of all of these factors I'm like at a 61% that we will get this...or was it 61% that is will not be got??
It can reoccur, and to be honest many of the bloggers I have read on the TNBC site have pretty much all had reoccurance, all be it later...it still came back.
So, tomorrow I will pray for no diarrhea, and I will call my Gastro and hopefully we can just do a phone call and I don't have to go drive down to UCLA.
Fun stuff!