Its. . . .

funny, well not really.
I didn't think I would be freaking out about Friday's test.
I didn't think I would be thinking about it at all, but I am.
I guess that's normal, and maybe after I have been"cleared" for a while and I go through these tests, they will become just a part of life and I won't worry.
Maybe I will?
I am really anxious about Friday though, and I don't want to tell everyone if I seem a little on edge it's because I am quietly freaking out about finding out if my cancer is all gone.
I mean I don't want it to be so on the forefront of everything, but I can't help it, it is.
I feel 2 ways.
1) like it's gone, I'm in the clear, all is good
2) it's not gone and I have gone through hell for the last 10 months and I have to do it or some part of it all over again
Bottom line, I'm really scared.
Then I have to deal with some bullshit over the water polo book I make for the girls. . . .don't have the energy or patience for that....once this banquet is over then we are done completely.
I am so sick of it!!