Its. . . .

funny, well not really.
I didn't think I would be freaking out about Friday's test.
I didn't think I would be thinking about it at all, but I am.
I guess that's normal, and maybe after I have been"cleared" for a while and I go through these tests, they will become just a part of life and I won't worry.
Maybe I will?
I am really anxious about Friday though, and I don't want to tell everyone if I seem a little on edge it's because I am quietly freaking out about finding out if my cancer is all gone.
I mean I don't want it to be so on the forefront of everything, but I can't help it, it is.
I feel 2 ways.
1) like it's gone, I'm in the clear, all is good
2) it's not gone and I have gone through hell for the last 10 months and I have to do it or some part of it all over again
Bottom line, I'm really scared.
Then I have to deal with some bullshit over the water polo book I make for the girls. . . .don't have the energy or patience for that....once this banquet is over then we are done completely.
I am so sick of it!!

Ok. . . .

so this may be considered as TMI, but honestly. . . .
I shaved my legs for the first time today in about 8 months.
May sound really bad, but under my circumstances, it was actually a welcomed thing.
Yeah, hair growing on my leg just in the middle on my calf, a little strange, but hair non the less.
Guess I better go buy some new razor blades now =)

Two. . . .

more weeks to go!!!
Then the all clear.

So. . . . .

what's new? hmmmmm
I am extremely tired today, I thought by now my energy level would start getting better. Today it's really awful.
I think I need to go get a b-12 shot and that might help a bit! As a matter of fact, I'm going to make that call right now and go get one!
the rest of the stuff. . . . .
Well, two more high school water polo games to go! thank god, this has been the longest and worst season yet. Our poor excuse of a high school coach will most definately not be missed. What a joke!
Hannah will be club swimming and playing club ball, and our hope is her spirit hasn't been broken and she can regain some of her confidence that has been stripped away. It's been a less than positive experience for her and the other girls. They hate him, and that's such a same that he has been allowed to run our program into the ground, and NO ONE does a thing about it.
Ahhh....moving on, one more week and good-bye!
Last night was our last Pasta Dinner, that was bittersweet. I feel like I have been so blessed to be able to get to know these girls over the last four years, good and bad, I have so enjoyed that part and will be what I miss the most. They are so much fun!

Wow. . . .

the nerve of some people. Showing up at our game yesterday and walking around hugging everyone. Are you kidding me? Did you pay back the money you stole from us? Give me a break! Stupid Bitch. . .

On a happy note, I will find out at the end of the month if I am cancer free....just need to do to tumor markers. I am so excited!!
The outcome will be great and I can move on and get this thing taken out of my chest.
Hope the month goes fast!