Friday, July 13, 2012

THANK. . . .

  You everyone, for the messages on Facebook, I am overwhelmed by the love, energy and Prayers.  I could could not do this alone and I can't even begin to say how much this means to me. I love you all and am thankful you are in my life and even if its at a distance it works and I feel it!  love Judy

Thursday, July 12, 2012

GREAT. . . .

News.  Was in hospital a couple of days ago overnight because of constant stomach problems and continued nausea, horrible for weeks.
Did an MRI which I had scheduled for 24th and since cancelled.,
We found out no new growths but quite a bit of swelling from radiation, so yes back on steroids 8mg  (for now 4mg 2x a day) then switch to 4mg am and 2 mg pm, but at this point I don't care about the steroids, yes they make me crazy but I have had 2 good days so is it worth it, I'd say that would be a yes for now.
It is hard to know what to do, but put your trust in the Dr's., and prayers.  This is what I believe has gotten me to this point.
But like I said steroids make me crazy and those around me as well, I am trying REALLY hard and today I think I I have done a good job there.  Its most hardest on my beautiful girl because she is here with me all day and it's not not easy for her and I feel terrible, but what do I do?
Is there a magic answer here?
On a different note I think I might be able to do some volunteer work., I wanted to before but with undergoing treatment nearly impossible but now I am pretty good to go I think...I hope
So that's about it

Friday, July 6, 2012

OOPS. . . .

found like 3 drafts I forgot to post...sorry!


Today is the first day i have no radiation, no chemo thank God it is over, Brain MRI in three weeks but I expect that to be clean after all this shit I just sent through. this round was much worse than breast cancer treatment, just horrible.
I should be happy and I am to a point but so sad becaue Jimmy and Debbie not here, now live in Floriada and we miss them and his yearly birthday on the 4th.
I feel so helpless for my baby she is so upset and not feeling well, she was so looking forward to brunch at a friends house, and it was cancelled and shes in such a fragile state I don't know how to help her, she consumes my every thought and I feel like a shitty mother because I can't comfort her. all she wants to do is sleep and be left alone. Dad has to work till 930pm so we are supposed to go to some neighbor friends house to and I love them and so looking forward to going but I dont think she will come. I feel helpless, today should be a happy day. We went to breakfast she didn't come becuase of bruch I said just come and have coffee so she did nothing.  A friend that she hasn't really sean came by to see if she wanted to take a walk but wouldn't .  This isn't about me except for the part that I know this is so hard for her, but Its over now and I wish to god I could get a smile, but maybe it's too much to expect, I do't know I'm not good at this stuff, I guess im supposed to just leave her alone but shes my baby and how do I do that. I wish she had been asked someplace today or some friends call her and she how she is because apparentley nothing I can do , I feel lost here.  Thought it would get easier, what the hell do I know?

HOW do. . . .

I start this part? so much racing around in my head.  Its been a long journey and one I feel like iv'e been on for long enough.

Friday. . . .

Still feel pretty much the same, like I'm waiting for something to happen, yeah like not feeling sick anymore and to have this crap over with., Hopefully that part is coming soon.
Just so soooooo tired. Dr A said I'd start feeling better by the end of this I'm hopeful that is coming soon like I said. That's about it for now not much to say

Monday, July 2, 2012


I just deleted what i typed.  What an idiot! and while i'm at it that good for spell check.

Tomorrow the  Radiation and  chemo are over.  Back on small dose of steriods 4 mg at dinner for only 4 more days.  YIPPEE at that.

So how do I feel??? that really is the question so be prepared, FUCKING SHITTY.
The radiation to my head has been making so sick, like being pregnant without the bundle of joy at the end.
wanna puke pretty much all the time but like I said I have one more day and I have to get through this.  Radiation at 8 then Chemo at nine.  Brain MRI in 3 weeks.  Dr A said will take about a week after for all to settle down, and I'm holding to it or I'll find him and hide all his candy at the Gamma Knife Center

But seriously Please keep sending love an prayers this aint over yet.
Thank and all by best