Friday, July 6, 2012


Today is the first day i have no radiation, no chemo thank God it is over, Brain MRI in three weeks but I expect that to be clean after all this shit I just sent through. this round was much worse than breast cancer treatment, just horrible.
I should be happy and I am to a point but so sad becaue Jimmy and Debbie not here, now live in Floriada and we miss them and his yearly birthday on the 4th.
I feel so helpless for my baby she is so upset and not feeling well, she was so looking forward to brunch at a friends house, and it was cancelled and shes in such a fragile state I don't know how to help her, she consumes my every thought and I feel like a shitty mother because I can't comfort her. all she wants to do is sleep and be left alone. Dad has to work till 930pm so we are supposed to go to some neighbor friends house to and I love them and so looking forward to going but I dont think she will come. I feel helpless, today should be a happy day. We went to breakfast she didn't come becuase of bruch I said just come and have coffee so she did nothing.  A friend that she hasn't really sean came by to see if she wanted to take a walk but wouldn't .  This isn't about me except for the part that I know this is so hard for her, but Its over now and I wish to god I could get a smile, but maybe it's too much to expect, I do't know I'm not good at this stuff, I guess im supposed to just leave her alone but shes my baby and how do I do that. I wish she had been asked someplace today or some friends call her and she how she is because apparentley nothing I can do , I feel lost here.  Thought it would get easier, what the hell do I know?

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