Thursday, June 14, 2012

HOW. . . .

Do I feel?  Like shit.  living on nausea med and MJ, think I said that before but who can remember with half a brain.
I know I'm sick of asking people to do things and then when someone says sure lets go to lunch I toss my cookies and can't go. I'm just not going to ask anyone anymore, I get sad and don't feel that great to begin with.  people say it is but then they stop calling so I don't really believe them, I think they are sick of my cancelling so they don't really invite or text me. I feel sad most of the time but when I'm around others I always put up a good act like I feel great, because who wants to be around a downer all the time, so its a pity party day for me, guess I'm entitled
Just sick of it all.  I go out to breakfast by myself at least 2x a week, Hubby works so we try to go at least one day on a day off, he truly is the only person I can count on.  I don't have to pretend to feel good and I am so thankful I have him in my life, what if I married a shithead?Thankfully I didn't and he is amazing..
Honestly If one more Dr. tells me we don't have any data for your treatment but we believe it will work, I will Fucking scream right then and there.  Just what one wants to hear, I'd like to see some of the Dr's. live with information given in this fashion.,
3 more weeks of radiation 5 days a week, 1 chemo pill 7days a week for 3 weeks, and 1 chemo infusion 1 time a week for 3 weeks, then an MRI and we will see if its gone.  This is always in the back of my mind, I can't escape the thought, I try to remain positive, I pray every night and every morning for those I know that need it and those I just love.
Today I went to Starbucks near where I live, everyone is really quite friendly, they bring their dogs, hang out, it's nice. Long story short I met Rick, he asked how I was doing and if he and his wife and daughters could pray for me, couldn't believe it, and with that he said consider 4 more people on your team. Again I couldn't believe it, I told him thank you and gave a light hug. Was so nice made my morning. Called hubby he couldn't believe it.
I do have some amazing experiences and new friends that I meet for coffee and tea, they go everyday, and I am always welcome and when I go I just feel normal and happy and I am grateful for them eggbok!

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