Thursday, August 12, 2010

Do. . . .

you write about the things that keep you up at night, or the thoughts that you wake up with in the morning? I wonder.
Seems like lately they are one in the same.
Seems like lately I am questioning everything about myself, what's going on, what has gone on, and where I'm headed, as a person, as a mother, spiritually.
Getting fired put me in to a tail spin.
Not just because I lost my job, although that in itself doesn't really help matters.
Timing wise, couldn't be worse, but is there really ever a good time?
I can be positive, not talk about it, that way everyone is comfortable around me, but honestly I have never felt so worthless.
My self worth has always been so tied to what I do, how I produce, how I feel about taking care of my customers, my business, and that's all gone.
Just ripped away. Without a warning or discussion.
So I can say to myself, I'll be ok, I'll get through this, all of that, and I know I will, but it doesn't change what happened, doesn't change how I feel, and doesn't change anything.
I have no education, am going to be 51, recovering from cancer/going through cancer treatment and that is the reality of my situation.
I will start thinking about some classes or some kind of certificate program, or school, but I have no clue in what direction to go. Other than at this point I am done with sales!
The wish? Not to be at this place at this point in my life.
The reality? I am, get my shit together.


  1. dearest Judy...i wish i could offer some words of help to you...i am so sorry about the job situation...i understand all about those feelings of lack of self worth. please let me know h ow (if) i can be of help or support to you...

  2. Just found you...hang in there, girlfriend! "This too shall pass." Tomorrow will be a better day, or the one after...
    I like your website - simple, creative, beautiful and I love your watercolor background! Did YOU do that? Two ideas: 1.Look into web design, it's competitive but you can work from home. 2.Do some creative things, like painting; it's a wonderful way to express your emotions! I wish you the best!

  3. Thank you both so much!
    Just didn't think this would occupy so much of my "time" guess that is part of the process?

  4. Judy,

    I'm so sorry to read about the job situation!

    In 2005 and also at the age of 51, my position was eliminated. I was devasted and sure that no one would hire me because I wasn't "young". After jumping at the first job that was offered to me - B.I.G. mistake - my position was again eliminated (banking field). I was then 53 and very sure that no one would hire me because of the age and my lack of higher education. But someone did hire me!

    Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Cheering you on from Seattle,