It's . . . .

Friday and a big so what!
That's pretty much my mood for the week.
Is semi normal ever going to come back? or maybe I should say something that resembles familiar as far as my mood goes?
My inability to get myself going here mentally, spiritually, physically is something I can't even explain, other than thinking the same stupid thing over and over, you've had trauma to your brain and it takes time and as long as I'm not sleeping more than 12 hours a day/night I'll get through it.
Right.

Talk. . . .

about the most stupid thing I've done lately.
This one takes the cake, I make Eric come with me to my Dr. appt., the one I thought I had at 9:00 am this morning.
Yeah, one of my better moves, since the half of brain thing is going on. Shit!
I never took it off my calendar and we went to go get test results, that if anything "showed up on" I would have been called since my next appt. isn't until Dec.
I feel like an idiot, and I am so sick of this happening.
I write pretty much everything down, and I still can't quite get it together.
Sigh.

Still. . . .

so tired.
I thought I was kind of getting out of this tired thing, but not quite yet.
I think I will go through mid-week and see if I feel a little more rested and get down to 1/2 on the roids.
I know that's all I talk about because it's pretty much what takes over in my mind because of how I feel and act.
I think I did too much yesterday or I just stayed up to too late...10 pm...
Maybe it's just the combo??
I'm going out w/ a friend today and honestly I'd cancel and go back to bed but we are leaving in 1/2 hour.
It'll be good for me, just take some tylenol. Maybe the headache is from the one wine cooler I had, but it REALLY tasted good. hmmmm
Tomorrow is Dr. K and tumor marker results. Can't wait

Ha. . . .

Yeah, not really.
Ok but seriously, I am getting of the roids, down to 1 a day, and Sunday will be 1/2 for 1 or 2 weeks then done!
Tumor marker test back on Monday, so once I've got an all clear there, I am pretty good to go until the brain MRI in Dec.
Trying to walk everyday so I can get some energy going here.
I'm still pretty tired, and once I go to 1/2 roid, It'll fry me again, so next week may be a little tiring, but nothing I can't handle.
When I'm up at night I think about things like: do they make gluten free bagels, and what breakfast items I can provide the team that'll be different than what I did the last time.
Should I bring some bagels into radiology for a pre-TGive Thank you?? I love those people, so I'm thinking yes, plus it gives me a chance to go harass them.
I'll be glad when I sleep through the night, I can't remember when I did that last..
Hmmmm.

Since. . . .

it's all about me.... and I have so much to say today!
I am sooooo tired. The tired is like nothing I can explain, it's like all of a sudden it's just caught up to me. (which I think is kinda strange considering I finished my radiation last Friday)
But then again, I did have my brain radiated, so this is completely different than when I had my breast done.
Speaking of my breast...my been to the tropics, lovely tanned "girl" , yeah so what about that?
Well, no one told me about my head, and I just didn't really think about it, because as of radiation.
And I think Leslie gave me the crappy part of our brain, to play a joke on me. not funny!!
But, yeah. . .my forehead..sunburned ish, kinda crispy, in the infamous words of Borat, " That's nice!" "Hey, what happened to your face?"
Oh yeah, it gets better, because it's not like I can put some foundation on right now, because of the pealy thing going on too.
My ears, well a tiny bit better, I live on aquaphore and q-tips, I don't eat this, I just apply ALOT!
during the day, middle of the night, 1st thing in the am.
Like I said, it's all about me.
I try not to say to much to Eric because I don't want to drive him crazy, but when the dog and I are sitting on the couch and we are both scratching our ears, he asks if we are having some kind of contest.
Do you think she is having sympathy pains, or sympathy itches?? hmmmm
Memory wise, the first thing I think about when I get up, what day is it, swear to god. If I don't remember I ask Eric.
I notice little things, I mean besides the tired/energy level.
What I really want? I want to go to work and feel like a whole person, what ever that means!
Does your brain regenerate like a lizards tail? ha ha

Oh. . . .

my GOD!!!
If my ears don't stop itching inside I think I will go CrAZy!!!
The radiation has done some kind of drying, irritating, itching awful thing, and since Friday I feel like I'm going to come out of my skin.
Ok, so I have been using aquaphore and then neosporin w/pain relief on a q-tip for temp. relief, and I mean TEMPORARY relief.
Why on earth would they not tell you ahead of time to put something in there as a precaution for this fun new "thing" I have going on??
I mean seriously, with my breast it was...blah blah blah, with my brain it's like nothing.
My head itches, along with my ears, and to be honest, I haven't slept very well in a couple of weeks, but since Friday...OMG!!!
OK, so I'm going to see primary care today and hopefully she can give me something for this!!
I'd pull my hair out, but I don't have any.
The Palmers coco butter/oil feels ok on my head, it sinks in, but I don't think I should put that in my ear..
Keeping my fingers crossed. . . .