YIPEEE

Going to the Dr today,,,for a change something new...but not really
see if she can get all the stuff together for my surgery on Friday, just not sure what shes doing yet.
Right now I think it's a biopsy , I'll know on Friday,,,Oh Boy, just having more fun than I can stand right now!

I....

Think someone hacked into my blog as I deleted the last post, they tried to write like me, but not even close FUCKER don't mess around with someone that has cancer, you suck who ever you are!

AH.....

Yeah, that's about it really.  Well that and thank God for MJ, am not kidding about that one.  Honestly, I don't know what I'd be doing if I couldn't do this.  I'm not hungry, most of the time I'm nauseous, so food is the last thing on my mind. It's strange because I was so hungry before and would go to lunch or at least go get something, now I look at most food and I want to throw up.

I'm not on chemo so I'm guessing it's all of these shitty little pills they make me take.

I switched over to prednisone, they "upped" the dose....just what I friggin wanted.  but alas, he's now cutting me down to 1 a day and then none on Wed...that's when I see Dr.A...and with any luck I might be done those nasty nasty pills.  Face and neck still swollen from the decadron, last time on prednisone I had the big round face thing...so I wonder what the hell I'm going to look like when this part is over.....

The itching is still going on, so I look like I have fleas, or some kind of tick ....my head won't stop itching...brain radiation...simply lovely!!

lets see....my poor skin is like paper thin and along with this itching...ugh   benedryl I guess is all that will help until I get off of this shit.

So the latest and greatest..about the lumpity lump that is a bump...1st I get oh, looks like some kind of fat thing...really interesting, your breast is made up of fat things...idiot...

So I'm once again, "no changes"  interesting because the lump wasn't there in Oct.  So my wonderful Dr and Surgeon decided that they want an biopsy as after all this triple neg and we should just be watching....

Really??  makes me feel a whole lot better though, if it is it's out if it isn't it may still be out, I have no idea and am not going to guess, just want to get on with it.

Also going to take the braca 1 test....whooo hooo 

Truth be told, I want these these steroids, I'd like to stop crying all the time, I think my hubby is going to commit me.  UGH

WELL. . . .

Are Dr.s Stupid or is it just me?

So Dr. A spends time getting me all worked up about possibly having to open up my head and drain this "blood" out, we go see Neuro Surgeon, and said no way, nothing like that is going to happen at this time, we have yet once again changed my steroids.  Now I'm off of decadron, and back on prednisone, which I will take for a few days and then taper from that.

F ME!!!  I am so sick of this !!!!  Why would he get me all worked up about to go through another brain surgery, even tell me it's prob. only a 2 day stay, and how great I'll feel after....UMMMM shouldn't he have talked to my other Dr 1st then they could tell me what choices there are????

I go from no way, upset - crying... to OK I'll do it, and I NEVER had to even go through that yesterday.  What a bunch of BS!

I saw the breast surgeon 1st, she felt the little lump that is next to the scar tissue thing, so I am going for a mammo next week, and here we go again.

Trying not to think about it because really, whats the point until we know what it is...the lump that is...so??

LATE. . . .

For me right now considering all the time I've missed...
Oh Well!
So today ended up being Dr. Day, saw my Primary care, Dr.K and she does feel the new little "lump" next to the scar tissue thing, so rather than mess around I will see Surgeon (that removed tumor originally) tomorrow and see what she has to say, if we do an ultra sound and that perhaps will show that it's just a cyst???
Here I go again, at least I'm seeing Dr.B and not that short little radiologist that has a bedside manner like a little short man.  ha ha aw, poor little guy...
Now for the best part of tomorrow!  I can HARDLY FUCKING WAIT!
I get to go see my favorite neuro surgeon, that's right, and we get to talk about having a procedure (surgery) on my brain, where they go in and remove all of this blood product that won;t seem to absorb.  Steroids actually not reducing the volume so really what other options do I have other than a hand crank drill, and a slur pee straw, mmmm mmmm good!
But seriously, I will know more tomorrow and then I will post what I know to be true, vs what I think to be true.
At first I was freaked out and said no way, not gonna happen, but as about 5 min. passed I thought about it, and hearing no more steroids, feeling better like the next day, well that actually sounds good, but again, need to talk to Dr C tomorrow.  2nd Dr appt.  Then gonna take my bubba out to lunch, would rather we were getting on a plane, but that's not happening anytime soon.
I just hope I am good to go for home games.  Just like the 1st time I met Dr.C and I told him he better get that thing out because I had a graduation to go to.
Well I'm going to have a few water polo games to go to and a nice hotel room, and right now this is what I have to look forward to, so it better happen!

OK....

So yeah, I'm a bit of a whiner right now, I have had my tattoo appt for months, waiting for the best female tattoo artist in So Cal, and I had to cancel my fucking appt because of my shitty steroid bleeding bruising skin.

Next appt...April.

This was something I have been looking forward to for so long and I am really sad, not a lot makes me happy right now and not been looking forward to much, and now nothing.  

So yeah, it's a whiny day for me.  Lets see, I've only cried 2 times this am, and I know it's due in part to the steroids, but the rest of it, honestly?  I'd like to look forward to something. like a trip, I've wanted to see the Grand Canyon....doesn't have to be a biggie, although New York is where I really want to go, Eric has never been...

So....yeah, I had this dream the other night, I was transformed into a black woman, I think I've been watching too much election bs, and this was the night the lady that wrote the book about the Obamas came out, so back to the dream...I ending up getting my hair weaved.  LOL

Now my hair is maybe 1/2  inch long in most places...is that long enough?/  Might be kind of pretty, now that I have salt and pepper colored hair braids might be kinda fun??  

YES. . . .

I am back, not to say that I went anyplace, but that I decided not to neglect my blog for the time being.

Just really strange, how I've been feeling-doing. I tend to isolate myself when I don't feel great, and then that kind of perpetuates the the whole thing. Why haven't I heard from you, etc etc.  

I don't do it to ignore friends, just don't feel like socializing so ..... 

OK, had MRI like 2 weeks ago, still waiting to go over it w/Dr A, but got a quick read and no new growths, the one I had has shrunk..that's all I know..except when I see him, Dr. A hes going to get an ear full and eye full about these FUCKING STEROIDS!

I saw my primary care Dr. Yesterday, and I was such a bitch when she came into the room 45 min late after I was told to come in 1/2 hr early..So she walks in and I'm basically scolding her for being late, shes the Dr....what does she do??  She gives me a gigantic hug and said it's going to be OK, we just have to get you off these steroids, so once again, that's my goal.  needless to say I started crying, then we were laughing, I'm VERY lucky to have her.

Unless you've gone through this, you have NO IDEA what this is like, so.....

Lets talk about my skin now...yes once again steroids come into play, my skin is like paper thin in some areas, I have bruising from itching, they look like blood blisters under my skin on my forearm.  Like the wart thing isn't enough, now I have scabby blood blister arm...oh so pretty..

So, I am taking allergy med to help w/ itching..I thought the steroids, the wonder drug, would take care of the itching...guess not..Then to top it off the uc keeps threatening to attack, so I'm watching that too, once again..steroids should help w/inflammation...what the hell is going on with my body?

Now as for the other stuff, yes I partake in the medical MJ and all I can say is THANK GOD for it, it is the only thing that works as far getting me calm, over the nausea which plaques me daily, not sure why....Dr's say use it, what ever you need, so here I am