Thursday, May 17, 2012

WHERE DO I START????. . . .

OK, so here it all is as of right now Thursday morning.
Hannah is home that's the best.
Tomorrow she gets to take me to have a port put back in.  If I'd never taken the stupid thing out I would have all these blown veins that bruise and hurt but vat can I do?
So wait, Chemo? thought it didn't work with brain stuff because the chemo doesn't break the blood brain barrier, well lucky for me I've had so much trauma to my brain the chemo should get through because I am also having brain radiation again.  Not whole brain, but a concentrated dose in the bad area where my cancer keeps tracking and won't go away.
Suppose to start radiation next week if they can get their shit together and map it out, why does this take so long! So all I know is it will be 5 days a week when ever it starts but I don't know for how long.
Then Chemo, Carbo Platinum or something like that...Can hardly wait and hope I can tolerate it.
The radiation makes me tired, don't know about the chemo yet.  Honestly I don;t want to do this, I'm scared to SHIT, but what choice do I have?
I just want to feel normal, what ever that is, because I don't really remember.
I just feel like crying but I've got to get a hold of myself here....seriously!  Suck it up, and
  now put on your positive thinking cap.  (where did that come from?? some TV show mom)
OK, next oh by the way, we want to take the ovaries as this is a breeding ground for me, they do this laproscopically, maybe I could get my leaky bladder fixed at the same time, I refuse to wear depends!
OK, lastly, you need to have a colonoscopy, can hardly wait for that shit!  ha ha...
Which of course will be after chemo..just keeping my day full of hope and promises and little flowers and lady bugs.  Yeah life is so Fucking Grand right now.  WHEW off my chest, outta my fingers and outta my 1/2 half of a brain

1 comment:

  1. sorry, Judy, that everything sucks so much right now!! glad your daughter is home...thanks for the FB posting advice!!