NOT....

Too much to say today just trying to get myself together so I can feel better.  I am impatient with myself and it took my husband and my friend Aiko to remind me that I just had brain surgery and I should not be so hard on myself.  I felt bad because I made plans for lunch and had to cancel.  I feel shitty doing this to people but I just wasn't feeling good.  I need to be around others but it is so hard to make plans in advance.  Just really sucks and I just have to give my self time and not make plans just yet, I don't know.

TONS O FUN.... -

couldn't really get to this before now so those of who have been patiently waiting here we go, I'm just wondering where to start....

maybe with the fact that i am more than grateful to be here, and 

maybe I should start with the the fact that friggin hospital lost my bag of clothes, Eric was finally able to recover them like Sat or Sun....I had surgery Thurs and came home Fri, yes Brain surgery.

Wait maybe I should start with the fact that I've somehow done something to my right foot, we found out I have a small blood clot in my ankle, had a xray, found nothing, tiny clot not the cause so I am having yet another MRI however (stress fracture??) I have to drive aways to have this done (on Monday)as it seems it is have an MRI weekend but I am not invited, or perhaps we should start with the UTI I came home with thanks to the trusty cath and u pee in a bag now or wait lastly...I have UC but am not able to go sue to the pain med Ive been taking for my foot.  this is where i say FUCK ME!!!!!,  long overdue I might say.  so have taken something that has brightened up the situation shall we say?? ha ha yeah and may be by tonight I' will just have the foot thing going on as my incision is healing and for now we just go fwd.  UGH

TMI??. . . .

You are going to be so jealous of this, Ive been constipated for a change (i have uc) So I called my gastro that called me right back!  I get to take 3 saline enemas....hold it in as long as I can he said... What fun...fortunately I've taken enemas before, but its been years so I don't know how well I can hold it.  gotta lie down..

The SHIT just never stops however this shit doesn't want to start after 3 days....

Maybe I have the wrong TP, I don't have the one the bears use, "to enjoy the go".

But I guess I'll be cleaned out for the hospital which I'm sure they will appreciate as I know I will.

UGH!!!

 

OK. . . .

It will be really nice not to feel like I'm gonna puke every five minutes.  That means surgery as I now have a 2.5 cm tumor and all this left over stuff that has been causing swelling, hence nausea and a variety of other things.
I'm still crying.  I have to say this is the hardest, because I have all these days to wait and think about what is in my head and what he has to do, but the upside is I will feel so much better so I can do this I just hate the waiting part, I'm so impatient!!  So yes it will be the hand crank with Slurpee straw and an ice cream scooper but I don't think anyone will want it, I sure don't.
I'm shaving my head, so is my hubby, I ordered some cool buffs because Dr said he will be leaving staples in longer and I don't want to walk around with a staple head, might freak people out! Ya never know!
So I know I will come through this so I can bug my hubby and my daughter for years to come.
I'm thinking about borrowing the other half of my brain for a little while.Leslie cough it up.
Send prayers and that is much appreciated.
love <3  Judy

WHERE. . . .

Do I start? Well It's back, yup 2cm in my head. Had MRI yesterday and then got results from Dr. in a couple of hours, and the gal from the Gamma Knife called so I knew it wasn't good, although all she would tell me was Dr wants to see you at 9am tomorrow.

We called and spoke with him or I should say hubby did.

Appt is at 9 this am, what I know is that it's back, in the general area, but I will find out more this morning, like I really want to go through this again.  I'm certain gamma will be next week as he did tell hubby that gamma can take care of this and there is a little swelling, does that mean steroids again?

I'll know more later this am.  UGH!! have cried buckets since yesterday

WELL. . . .

I did about 1/4 mile walk this am with Lexi, my puppy dawg.
So far I don't have to throw up but UC acting up still.  Its fun trying to figure out if I can leave the house, let alone talk a walk.  Do I walk up to some strange house and say excuse me, may I use your bathroom, and i may be in there awhile so please walk my dog! lol
Oh yeah this shit is fun.
Wed is brain mri, who knows whats going on in there.  I still have steroid face and I've been off the steroids for three weeks or a month?  I have to look it up on my calendar.  I have to write everything down, but the problem is I forget to look at my little book.  I even put things down on office calendar and kitchen calendar and I still don't remember .
OK Leslie  this isn't funny anymore, can I please have my half of the brain back

I. . . .

Got my test results back from my pet and all is good!  Now have to make Brain MRI appt, probably for next week....so sick of these tests!

I seriously wonder why every single day I cry.  It's like a crying spell that comes over me and it just comes out. I think something changed after the seizures.  I'm off the roids, so this is all I can come up with because menopause is not the answer.  With the UC that won't go away I'm afraid to leave the house, I'd like a break now please!  I'm ready!!!!