Bizarre. . . .

So I can't figure out where all of my settings went, most importantly my spell check! grrr had to re download firefox.
Woke up with a headache and basically, don't want to do chemo tomorrow. I can't help feeling like tomorrow is not going to go well. I am trying to get myself into a positive head space, but I am having a really hard time today.
Actually, it started last night and to be completely honest I am in a horrible mood, not feeling "happy" like I usually do, Ever have one of those days where you just feel pissed off? well that would be me today.
Guess I just have to go with it.

Sunday. . . . . .

What a Saturday we had, like I said previously High School Water Polo!! enough said, it was HORRIBLE.
Hannah is on her way up to Cal, with her club team and she will have a fun/training trip. I am so glad she can do this especially after yesterday....YIKES!!
Me, um..let's see good for the most part, bad headache all day yesterday turned into some nasty headache last night (could it have been the water polo??) and I AM going to bed early tonight :)
Hey, the hole in my chest is finally healing and that disgusting taste in my mouth is gone, so things are looking up...just in time for. . . . .
C H E M O...yay, yippee!
Wednesday is Round III and I am planning on things going well..I'm kinda thinking I'd like to ask the Dr. if we can push Round IV...(the last in this series) to the 1st week of August so I can go up to Stanford for Jo's and not be completely out of it...lets see if my persuasive sales skills can come into play, unless she just shoots me down and my skills never get out of the bag.
Keep your fingers crossed, I am going to ask anyway on Wed. . . . . . . . . . . . .

It's Friday...

I am so tired..........My chemo got moved to Wednesday :( I don't like when things change, well I should say I don't like when this changes, I feel like I have a routine and I just want it to go the same way, same day, same time and so on. YUCK!
Got my temp filling yesterday, my mouth tastes like that disgusting tea-bury gum or maybe it's a clove thing..one in the same? Well anyway I don't like it!
Guess I'm a little grumpy I need to go to bed earlier tonight. got to be after 10:00 and that is just too late for me these days.
Hoping for a nice weekend, high school water polo tomorrow...oh boy! and Hannah leaves for Nor Cal on Sunday, to go train with the Cal women's team and Diablo..fun!!!

My...

filling fell out!! I have all the luck, oh yipppeee. . . I get to go to the dentist Thursday for "minimal" dental work and I guess a temp filling.

The fun just never stops!

Last week. . .

was a long week! by Sat, I finally started feeling better and went to one of Hannah's games on Sat at commerce. didn't feel too bad, but didn't feel good enough to come back to the second game. I cannot believe how tired I am by early afternoon! We had one game yesterday, and then we came home. I went to bed about 7:30 and slept until almost 7am. I decided to cut my prednisone down to 10 mg, and I could actually sleep last night...however I have been visiting the bathroom a little more than I like! Oh yes, TMI...
I go tomorrow to see how my white count is, and they are probably going to want to give me a shot....and oh, just when I start to feel a little bit better, it's almost time for round 3. (that will be next Tuesday)...so lets recap, I've lost about 2 weeks of work here, and I must say this whole cancer thing is really inconvenient and messing up my work and summer water polo viewing schedule! seriously. We have a very exciting high school tournament this weekend..ah hem, note on the "exciting". . . . I am trying to figure out if I am going to feel well enough to drive Hannah to game back to club practice and then back to game (s)...this is our life. . .
Friday I wasn't at Commerce, but the UC Davis Coach was and he talked to Club Coach, who happened to put Hannah in and she played very well, scored 3 goals..2 nice assists and a steal..Was that the game he saw?? I hope I hope. . . . . . . . . We shall see. . . .We got her to narrow down her college choices to 4 and one wild card...LMU we can never afford that one, but we've got 4 UC schools and LMU so we shall see what the summer brings after July 1 and recruiting can start.
Me....well lets see what the week brings. . . .

And the fun.....

just never stops! do I sound like I'm complaining?
well, it's my blog so I guess I just get to!
yesterday I started this new trick, it's called how do I swallow? yes it would seem that I feel like I have to burp, like something is stuck and I can't quite swallow....and the fun never stops. Sylvia had a great analogy...you know when you have this car and something goes wrong and you fix something? then something else goes wrong....Yep, that's me..I take prednisone to stop or "help" my UC stuff, but it's a steroid and I can't sleep, so I took a sleeping pill last night, that was a shocker. Eric gave me some acid reflux pill to help with my burp/swallow issue.
I'M A FREAK.....lol I mean seriously, I'm Bald, I have this little hole in my chest that won't heal because my white counts are down. I'm taking antibiotics, I am taking steroids... so good thing I'm not an athlete because I would most def. fail a drug test...I'm having hot flashes, crabby..but only to Eric and Hannah, the rest of the world is safe...oh yeah, I'm trying to work too, and it's 11:00 and I feel like I need to take a nap but know as soon as I lie down I won't be able to sleep..like I said yesterday it is fun to be me! But honestly, I feel a little bit better today and it really does help to get my sarcasm out!
Ah, I feel better now

So what....

is going on??? This has been a rough one! It seems that chemo destroys everything, and yes even the good things. I have UC (ulcerative colitis), fun stuff...and up until now I have had it under control (or it was more or less..kind of) so now what? I get to go back on prednisone, lucky me! umm lets see.....I've started sweating, can't sleep and very irritable, don't I sound lovely?? I also can't wait to blow up from it like I did the last time. I HATE this drug!! But how am I feeling? Well it's 10:30 and I've only gone to the bathroom 6 times since 7:30 so I'd say it's really helping. Not. and for those of you that want to know about UC, just check out this web site:
Ulcerative colitis: Symptoms - MayoClinic.com
Yes, it's true...it's fun to be me these days....I sport the bald look, get plenty of exercise running to the bathroom, and I mean running.. hey, I've lost 15 lbs. that's actually great news, considering I have a few more to go, I'd say things are looking up.
I have 2 more rounds of this disgusting chemo, next one is 6-30 and I think there won't be any more surprises so I should be good to go, pardon the pun! After the last one, then I do a different chemo 1 time a week for 12 WEEKS!!! Hello...I have a life here and don;t like being hooked up to this bag!
But ultimately, I need to get better before Hannah's Sr. year starts because it's going to be a whirlwind!!
that's all for now, gotta get back to work while I can sit here. . . . .

I can't. . .

believe how sick I have been since Friday night. This has been the worst! I have literally been sleeping all day, couldn't go to Hannah's games today. I would write more but I just don't have the energy.

The fog. . .

has not quite lifted yet. UGH! maybe later? I am hoping I'll feel better by tomorrow, I am wiped out!

My head...

is really cold. I am completely without any hair and it's the strangest thing. I can't stop touching my head or looking at it in the mirror. I put one of my head wraps on, but my "stubble" is sticking to it. I'll have to find something else until that comes out. It's kind of like a Velcro thing and actually is kind of funny. I better be careful around socks and such or it will end up sticking to my head, wouldn't that be a sight? Um, Hannah, what's your mom wearing on her head? lol!!
Round II of chemo tomorrow...9:00 am, oh boy, party at Dr. Kauls office. Honestly, what am I thinking right now?? I want this round to go exactly as the 1st one did, exactly. So that is what I am telling myself, it will be exactly like round one and I will get through this.
So, that is where I am at.

1/2 inch

YIKES!! why on earth did I pay for a hair cut last Friday? Seriously, Eric was having too much fun with the clippers... I am guessing it'll all be just about gone next week....2 months ago it was to the middle of my back...bye bye curls...and check out the grey OMG! Maybe I need a little pink..Laurie what do you think??

Little gifts

Keep showing up on my front porch.....yesterday was a pair of gardening gloves. My rose walk of shame along the driveway is now smiling....
Thank you Leslie!!

I just

have one question....Is it my hair or the dogs?

This one....

goes under the "TMI" category....so yes my hair is coming out, but not on my head! There is so much I want to say but I will refrain :) speaking of the hair on my head...my hair hurts, so maybe it's getting ready to fall out??

Was too sick yesterday to go get my blood test, so I am going tomorrow afternoon, and will see where my counts are.

Tuesday is coming up fast, I am not ready for it. I am telling myself that it will go exactly as the last time...like over and over again in my head.

I am planning on putting some pics on here at some point, just need to figure out what is worthy. It will come to me I am sure.

Monday. . .

Was a rough weekend, not for obvious reasons, just some incredible stress on Saturday that resulted in my not sleeping even more than usual and woke up Sunday sick...I never get sick when Eric has cold, but my weakened immune system and the upset (to put it lightly) just did me in.
Why on earth do we put ourselves in situations that we know are bad for us? and just repeatedly allow ourselves to get kicked in the teeth and used by ungrateful and miserable people?
I guess part of my lesson with cancer is to prioritize what is important, (and even though the things that I have loved to do for the last three years and has been extremely important to me is now over) I should have seen it coming, and I was told it would happen but I didn't listen. Sometimes the people that you think are your friends are not, but get close because they have their own agenda's and well, it saddens me. I just haven't figured out the lesson here yet, but I will. (maybe the lesson is just to realize it, and writing it down believe it or not, gets it out)

Hannah had a great water polo weekend. They lost to Commerce and instead of playing for 1st or 2nd for Jo quals, we took third place...we are spoiled, it should have been 1st place like last year. Oh well, we will see how the seeding goes for Jo's, and we have NCC's coming up ....GO LA!!
Great time though, fun people, got to ride around in a hummer and watch John try to park, that was funny. I am so amazing at how 17 yr olds can have fun with $1 toys from the dollar store. unbelievable. This part of the weekend was great!
Tomorrow I go for a blood test, and I have no idea how this head cold will effect me. Then round 2 of Chemo next Tues 6-9
Hoping for a quick recovery here on this "cold" and for another good week...