Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Toxic Tuesday....

Well, I asked for Taxol lite today and only received a very strange look from my nurse, and a "nice try".
Mega dose of steroids has me on a string. . .
Yesterday went and saw primary care Dr., had her in tears, I couldn't stop crying she said it's the steroids, actually the 1st thing she said when she saw me was your on prednisone, how much?
yeah...classic big fat round face, bloating..I look like a fat pig. Feel great, look great. Can hardly wait for the week.
I have like one "ok" day a week now, and the constant mood swings makes it even harder. I just screamed at Hannah because she smarted off to me, like she knows I'm on this tight rope but just keeps pushing me, and I honestly can't control this very good.
All of my emotions are on on my sleeve and out of my mouth before anyone even says anything.
This is truly the hardest thing I have ever done, and on Sunday I felt like I was/am just loosing all faith here. I can't stand feeling so sick, sweating, waking up coughing and throwing up, aches and pains and everything else.
My life is on hold and I am moving through some kind of process that is robbing me of all of joy. It better be worth it, because if it comes back I will not do this again.

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