Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I. . . .

know I can do this right?
Gamma #3 tomorrow, no biggie I've done 2 already.
What scares the shit out of me is the whole brain radiation.
In about 2 weeks I get fitted with this mask/head thing, get a ct scan with it on, then Dr. M can do some kind of mapping of my brain and then the fun begins.
Radiation of my brain, 5 days a week or 4 or 5 weeks.
It's low dose, not like what they did 20 years ago, that's a real comfort.
See, there are no options here. The triple neg cancer is so aggressive, and because it likes to grow, radiation seems to be the only thing that can knock down the cells, and not to mention that it's the only option I have. Wait, I did mention it.
I am not thinking about the side effects other than the hair loss, once again...but it seems that this hair loss takes a bit longer to come back than chemo, if it all even comes back.
So in preparation, I'm shaving my head before the mask/head thing fitting.
I've also ordered a couple scarves that hopefully will come with some kind of tying directs or I'm screwed!
I had a really good cry last night, I just hope I'm done crying for a while.
Poke me with a fork, I'm done !!

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