Monday, September 20, 2010

So. . . .

where to start?
Saw Dr. Kaul, and the bone scan is clear as I knew it would be.
I told her about the itching in my right breast, the feeling I've been having in right underarm, and that my mammo and ultrasound was clear, but she decided that I need to have a breast MRI and I am scheduled for next Monday.
To be honest, I am really glad about that because there is no good reason as to why this is itching. If there are any cells there, we will be able to see them.
But, on another note, she said I've got to get more aggressive with my treatment with the brain thing. I'm going for Gamma number three on Wednesday, and she wants, as did the surgeon, full brain radiation. She said, this is an aggressive disease, and we need to treat it aggressively.
Ironically, Dr. A just called and said the MRI does show a recurrence. So, now what?
We zap it on Wednesday. I see his partner tomorrow, Dr. Miller. . .my Radiation Onc. to get info on the full brain radiation, and get our plan going. Dr. Kaul said we will be able to do a lower dose of radiation, and side effects should not be horrible.
I just feel like crying, I just want this all to stop and be over with. I feel like I've had enough already.
I can loose my hair again, I don't care about that, I just don't want any speech or memory problems, that scares the living shit out of me.
I know I'll get my "fight on" but I'm just not in that head space just yet.
Honestly, I just want to drive down and see Hannah, any excuse right! ha ha
Maybe I'll feel better after I see Dr. Miller tomorrow??

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