Sunday, July 19, 2009

So. . . .

Long weekend, thank god summer HS water polo tourneys are over YAY!!!
Not so much that the sun fries me which it does, but the heat was unbearable this weekend.
Had three girls with me and what a joy to be around them. I love them, makes all of this so worthwhile. (and I am really thankful that they allow me to kind of "tag along" if you will, this is the part that really keeps me going) thank you Hannah, Kat and Lily. I told them that at dinner last night, makes me weepy to think about it.
I of course snored all night long, so I kept switching positions, thinking if I laid this way or that way I would stop. They told me how funny it was on the ride home. Eric got me a Garmin, and I still went the wrong way, seems every time I go to these things, I have the three of them, and I get lost, Kat was so proud of my navigation skills until the ride home today! funny stuff.
Now for the yucky stuff, tomorrow is the round iv of the toxic combo. . . .I really need to get some sleep tonight and get myself in the right head space for this.
Gotta up the prednisone, lucky me. I can do this, I've done three others, but to be completely honest, I just don't want to go through this tomorrow. I guess I really just don't want to go through this at all, I mean who would?
One mom said today, " Oh, I really need to loose some weight" that's when I told her to try the chemo diet. She said, oh no thanks! It was cool.
See I didn't intend to be smart ass, part of me is just on this , (what ever John Fletcher called it) my "shit" quota is full and I'm not taking any, don't want to listen to any and won't be around any. Does not mean I don't have sympathy, because I feel like I have a really big heart, but honestly unless you are going through this or something like there is NO WAY you can get that concept. (the shit quota concept)
Just not the same as being impatient, and so on, it's like you really are faced with your mortality, and you think about what you really want to listen to, or want to put up with, or even surround yourself with.
I go back to I think it's ok to speak your mind, and be a little selfish and figure out how to take care of yourself, emotionally, spiritually and physically. (sometimes it might not be pretty for others) and there is a balance, but sometimes, it's just gonna come.

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