Wednesday, October 21, 2009

bad. . . .

Shoulder hurting so bad..just pain like something settled in there, and the last time I looked at clock it was 3:30. I really want to get out of this house today because I am going crazy but the toilet god is calling me too.
I can't catch a break here.
I have one more Chemo, then the rest of the party begins.... a couple of tests, a little break then 7 weeks of radiation, 1x a day , 5 days a week.
I'm getting sick of people telling me oh, 1 more week of chemo to go, like it's all over or something.
My primary care Dr. Dr is worried I'm going to have problems with my esophagus and radiation because of 3rd location he is lighting up, so to speak. Nurses told me yesterday I'm probably not going to eat much, that's welcomed and no biggie.
I just want to know before I start radiation, after these last 26 weeks of Chemo Hell that we got it, before I go through anymore torture. I mean torture!
Yesterday I met Nancy, she sat in Christine's spot...Christine is my MIA Chemo buddy. I haven't really talked about her in while because it's too upsetting. 2 weeks ago Christine was told that the chemo wasn't working and her cancer has now come back on her liver and gallbladder....she has ovarian cancer. Had everything and then some possibly removed from her body, and let me tell you you have no idea the strength and courage this woman has, but I think this broke her.
yes she's my partner in crime, when we tried to escape down to the pharmacy with our chemo in tow to go get a diet pepsi, and Dr. Kaul caught us trying to escape....we were planning our grand escape, but didn't get to happen. She's made the time go by fast as I know I have for her. We talk about the shows we watch...hoarders, intervention, (cause of all of the drugs we are taking, we may need one) prison shows, you know, quality TV.... so she will have another surgery on Nov. 4th and well we will see, and go from there. I told her we will just have to move our act to the hospital, and see what kind of trouble we can get in, since we know most of the nurses there.
So needless to say I'm still kind of expecting her to walk in yesterday, and in comes Nancy...Stage 4 Uterine Cancer, and she's got some kind of lesion on her brain, and she's going to have some gamma ray radiation on Thursday to get rid of it. I will be praying for her.
This gal has cancer lesions all throughout her entire body, hello she's got stage 4 cancer. Her daughter has breast cancer, the other daughter doesn't but is having both breasts removed, oh my god!!!!
Thank god next week is the last week of chemo at least least and I can get out of there, I know that is so selfish to say, but I can't get too involved here. Nancy told me how angry she is, and how she yells at her husband, and I just listened, and when I could I offered her a few suggestions, like the wellness center, might offer support for hubby and family, all is free.
Take a nice drive and if she's up to it take him to lunch, he's freaking out and doesn't know what to do here. She was just diagnosed and had surgery like 3 weeks ago, also had everything removed.
UGH what a day, maybe that's why I couldn't sleep.
I just want to get out of this house today, I need to go buy some little presents for these wonderful and amazing women that take such good care of me at Chemo. That's my goal, even if for just a little bit today. Pretty stupid huh?

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