Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Where. . . .

do I start?
eye is getting better, I can tell because I don't feel the pressure all the time I still have moments of things not being clear, but nothing like when I first got home.
Oh yeah and lucky me, I get to up the flippin steroids to 4mg 2x a day for the next 2 weeks, blimp city here I come again, and that means bitch city too, because I don't do well emotionally, I cry more and and grumpy and get a little hyper. Thanks Dr. A
Speaking of Dr. A., I got the full results from him just a little bit ago, and well I'm kind of sitting here in a little shock. Maybe that sounds overly dramatic, but what is dramatic with cancer ?
I think, ok Dr.C goes in with his big ice cream scooper and scoops it all out and they say, "he got it all". . . . So we are just waiting for the cavity to shrink and we need to do Gamma Knife on the cavity and just keep things in check. I feel relieved. almost Happy, but to be honest not completely happy because in the very very back of my mind I still feel like something is there. and it's not a wish but a feeling, and the thing I hate about myself, yes hate is that I am always right with this "little feeling" thing I have. I've had it all of my life and it never fails me, I mean NEVER.
So with that, Dr. A says well , "results overall are good!" overall are good ring through my head as he said that. . .overall are good. My cavity has shrunk to about 5.3 cm, was at about 6cm, however on the resection cavity (the whole in my brain where the tumor was) ...results overall are good still playing in my head... there would appear to be a rim around the cavity and we are not sure if one part of that rim is tumor. Wait didn't he say "Results over all are good", what the f does that mean?. . .As I push him he said well if I have to guess I would say that one little part of the rim could be tumor, and we can get that easily with gamma knife, we just may have to go back in 3 months to radiate the rest of the cavity.
We were tyring to avoid that, as to avoid brain swelling.
See I think this is really great news because we can get that, and then it will be gone and then we go back for the cavity radiation part, I just didn't want to have any of this crap in my head anymore, I wanted it out, and i just wanted to get on with the rest of it and be done for a while.
Part of me feels sad, but I guess I just have to suck it up because the big picture is good, and that is truly what I feel in my heart of hearts, I feel like we will get it, and then we can go forward, just a little hiccup and I am so strong and will and can fight this, i just wanted a bit of a break.
I'll have it, just not in the timeline I was thinking.
So gamma knife in two weeks, and just need to get the date . . probably tomorrow I am guessing we will have that set and then we will go forward from there.
Ok, I think I'm going to wax my upper lip now


  1. you have enough hair to wax??? i am jealous! may we meet? we are so close to one another.....

  2. my lip! and before I had brain surgery my hair had grown back from chemo. . .
    I would like to meet, but I can't really drive yet, once I get the ok maybe in July??